Coulson and the Ice Cream Caper
by Novelist N Training
Summary: This is why the Avengers aren't allowed to do fun things. Second attempt at Avengers story. Don't own. God I love them.


**I don't know why I'm posting this, but here you go. The low quality writing is a conversation between me and a friend texting while I was eating ice cream. All major cussing was taken out of the dialog. I don't own the Avengers, Graeter's, or any ice cream (at the moment). Enjoy**

Coulson: who ate my ice cream?

*Steve holding empty container in his hands and the spoon in his mouth*

*Steve points at Tony*

Tony: What? You've gotta be kidding. Captain Liar Pants over there is still eating the evidence! I didn't take your big boy ice-

*Coulson tasers Tony*

*Tony twitches on the floor in pain*

Steve (looking guilty): let's go get some more ice cream

*All the Avengers leave Tony on the floor*

*Tony catches up to them at the nearest Graeter's sometime later*

Tony: Hey Spangly!

*Tony punches Steve*

*Steve rubs his jaw and glares, but says nothing*

*At this point in time the Avengers have all wandered off to do their own thing*

*Thor and Bruce standing in line*

*Coulson threatening Tony*

*Steve trying to break up Coulson and Tony*

*Tony and Steve end up brawling instead*

*Bruce shifts awkwardly*

*Clint shooting arrows through vats of hot fudge from his location in the air vents*

*Natasha stealing pints of ice cream by hiding them in her body suit*

Lone girl behind the counter: Why me?

*Thor snaps and flips a table*

Thor: WHERE IS MY CREAM OF ICE?

*Bruce sighs and runs a hand over his face*

Bruce: One more bad thing and I'm gonna snap

*Bruce turns to lone girl working the counter*

Bruce: Do you have any mint chip?

Lone girl: Sorry. We just ran out not too long ago

*Bruce Hulks out and starts acting like a deranged mental patient on steroids*

*Nick Fury walks in*

Coulson: Oh thank God. We're saved

Fury: I want a scoop of raspberry chip!

*Fury notices the chaos around him*

Fury: Make that two

*Coulson facepalms*

*Loki suddenly appears*

Loki: Hello human girl. I would request a scoop of-"

Thor: YOU GET NOTHING BROTHER!

Coulson: How could this get worse?

*Magically Sif and the Warriors Three show up*

Sif: We have come to take Loki back to prison on Asgard!

Loki: Not without a fight you're not!

*Sif and the Warriors Three battle Loki in the middle of the room*

*Thor runs around flipping tables*

*Hulk has disappeared into the back room*

*Clint is still making hot fudge coat the floor*

*Steve and Tony are now throwing each other through windows*

*Volstagg, one of the Warriors Three, has found a spare gallon of mint chip and is eating it with his hands under the counter*

*Hulk notices Volstagg and drags him out from his hiding spot before punching him out and taking the ice cream*

*Coulson and Fury are watching all of this while they eat their own scoops of ice cream*

Lone girl behind the counter: WHY ME?

Thor: These conditions are no longer acceptable

*floor is covered with shards of glass, hot fudge and blood*

Coulson: Okay, so we all agree that we can't fight here anymore

*Everyone nods*

Fury: He's right folks

*Coulson breathes a sigh of relief*

Fury: Move it to the playroom

*Coulson moans and holds his head in his hands*

*Everyone except Coulson and the worker move their show to the playroom*

Girl: You know you're gonna have to pay for all of this

Coulson: S. H. I. E. L. D. will cover the damages

Girl: And ice cream

Coulson: And ice cream

*Girl scoops Coulson another ice cream*

Girl: This is because you have to put up with those idiots

Coulson: Thanks

Girl: It's on the house

*Coulson moves to the playroom and stands next to Fury*

*Sif and the Warriors Three are battling Loki on the upper level of the playroom, chasing him up and down the multiple slides*

*Clint and Natasha in the party room, hurling the stolen pints of ice cream at each other's head*

*Steve and Tony are in a basketball shooting contest with rubber balls. There are baskets ranging in three sizes of height. The higher the basket the more points*

*Tony sinks a three pointer*

Tony: Take that patriot!

*Steve walks over, slaps the three pointer rim, and walks back*

Tony: Awesome people can be short, you know!

*Hulk is attempting to eat the giant plastic model of an ice cream cone*

*Thor is running up and down a plastic banana teeter-totter while attempting to keep his balance*

Thor: What sorcery is this?

*Coulson looks at Fury*

Coulson: Should we make them stop?

Fury: They will

**ONE HOUR LATER**

*Pepper walks in*

*All of the idiots (aka everyone except Fury and Coulson) are lying on the floor in the middle of their disaster area and hugging themselves*

Pepper: What the hell happened?

Bruce (who is now not Hulked out): Too… Much… Ice… Cream…

Tony: Oh god my stomach!

*Clint moans and buries his face in the carpet*

*Thor and Loki have fallen asleep while sitting up and are resting their heads on each other's shoulders*

*Sif and the Warriors Three have been knocked unconscious. Volstagg has dried mint green ice cream in his beard*

*Steve the super soldier is now profusely apologizing to the girl working the counter*

*Natasha is covered in blood and surrounded by empty cartons*

*Pepper goes and stands next to Coulson*

Pepper: My respect for you grows with each passing second you don't kill them all

*Coulson hands her a cone of ice cream*

**END**


End file.
